Why Didn’t Anyone Tell Me?

This past year I had the opportunity to be a stay at home dad with my daughter. When I began, I had no clue what I was doing and found it challenging to find clear and concise tips about how to navigate the sudden change in our relationship. When a new baby enters your home, it saps nearly 100% of your wife’s attention. Even if you are doing everything you can to help, the sleep deprivation, stress and new family dynamics can often lead to arguments—and a lack of passion. For many new couples, romance can fade for reasons such as:

  • Physical pain
  • Exhaustion
  • Poor Communication/Arguments
  • Feeling like there’s a never ending “to-do” list.

You respect everything this amazing woman has done to bring your child into this world, but there’s just not much you can do about the physical pain. However, when it comes to exhaustion, poor communication and that to-do list”, there are a number of steps you can take to change the game and look like a stud in the process

1. Use a baby carrier in the house to accomplish tasks: As a new dad, I found that there are few things more satisfying than the look on your wife’s face when she sees that you’re inside the house, taking care of chores with the baby in a carrier, strapped to your chest. The baby is bonding with you, while listening to your heartbeat and feeling calm, as though the little tyke is back in the womb. This is your moment! Your wife sees you accomplishing tasks—and caring for the baby. She might begin to search for other things that need to be done around the house. Just tell her “I got it.” Then maybe she will spin around to make sure that everything is okay, and that’s when you say “Babe,” pause and stare into her eyes, wait a few seconds and say the following words in your most legit voice: “Babe…take some time to yourself. If anything comes up… I’ll get you.”

2. Never run an errand without a list: When you walk into the baby aisle, make sure that you are equipped with a list of specific items that are pre-screened by your partner. You might think that all “size 1” diapers are the same, but your partner is likely focused on leak guards, wetness indicator strips and a preferred brand. Before you walk out the door, check the items on your list and ask the magic question: “Honey, should I look for a specific brand?”

3. Surprise your wife with an occasional spa day: After a few months of total infant care, encourage your wife to leave the house without the baby. Gift her with a mani/pedicure, massage or another spa treatment. Pick a random Saturday and call it “Daddy and Baby Day.” Tell her in advance that it’s just you and the baby for a few hours. She can choose to go to the spa, have lunch with friends, or just sit in a coffee shop and have time to herself. Find a day that works, and schedule it.

Spa Candle Image
More relaxed wife. More relaxed life.

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